So i am trying to figure it out what to do with this blog..It started as an inspiration to dedicate myself to something...i had the strong interest in learning how to box and then fight in a ring...it was an interesting run but I learned that it was not what my heart really wanted to be dedicated to. Ever since I had come back from our trip to india to serve at the boys home there has been this strong desire to do something about serving there long-term. My heart kept coming back to this calling...I thought that if I could get my act together I would be able to "prove myself"...or perhaps prove to myself, that I had what it takes to follow Gods call and serve Him for His Kingdom. So, part of getting my act together was to have my health, finances, and character all straightened out. The problem was that I was working only on the outside instead of allowing God to transform me from the inside..which apparently takes a lot more time than I want to think about. needless to say my own efforts failed and after all was said and done i found myself alone praying to God without any results.
He Did reveal to me that I had it all wrong and now i am just taking one step at a time to follow Him and keep my heart available for Him to mold and shape. So things are changing, gradually I think as I look towards the real dedication God has put on my heart and that is to serve Him and to be an active part in His Kingdom work. So I am aiming to serve as a longterm missionary in India. Everyday, especially now that I am working towards starting up a ministry to fund initiatives, I ask God- am I doing the right thing I believe I am following Your call so please forgive me if I am wrong and close the door and steer me in the right direction, but everyday as I work faithfully towards the goal things seem to be changing from the inside...for the better-well, I know I am experiencing God and changing old patterns of behaviors so that has to be good. And I am doing things that I have always said I can't do. I don't know where all this will lead up to, but no matter what happens I am confident that today I am on the right track.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
learning little by little
My dedication is to Christ. Amazing things happen when we surrender to Him. I seek Him and am assured that He knows what He is doing and there is perfect reason and perfect timing in His perfect purpose. I only have to trust Him. All that brings me down is makng my trust in Him stronger.I love the ones who bring me down for this very reason. What was breaking me heart before has all become the perfect lessons! As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Prov. 27:17)...have you ever worked with metal? Have you ever forged or grinded or polished metal...I have, I did it for a small number of years... Iron is a ridiculously strong metal. It is not an easy material to work with. Working with it is hot and loud and dangerous and hard core. God Bless YOU who is iron to me, most likely without even knowing it... because God knows I need it, always. and though while He has been blessing me with what I need I have been complaining to Him of the pain. Foolishness! I am rejoicing tonight He is so awesome. Thank you to open my eyes!
I have been learning to trust Him. It doesn't always seem to be like the most logical thing, or the most pleasant experience. But complaints are like prayers to a false god. Things bomb? give Him praise, there was probably good reason. Maybe He is working out something in someone else, maybe He is working out something in my own heart; maybe it's both. He is in control of it all and He knows so much better than we can imagine. I repeat (for my own reminder) IMAGINE. Because if I can imagine the end result I am looking for it is probably still coming from my own desire. Why settle for what's good when we can work for God's best. He hears our prayers. He knows the desires of our hearts. What is bad now just may be his promise in the making. I know He is incredibly enough working out things in me and I am so humbled by just how ridiculous and ignorant I can be! This is all a work in progress. I am so thankful that tonight I have learned something so amazing about love.
I have been learning to trust Him. It doesn't always seem to be like the most logical thing, or the most pleasant experience. But complaints are like prayers to a false god. Things bomb? give Him praise, there was probably good reason. Maybe He is working out something in someone else, maybe He is working out something in my own heart; maybe it's both. He is in control of it all and He knows so much better than we can imagine. I repeat (for my own reminder) IMAGINE. Because if I can imagine the end result I am looking for it is probably still coming from my own desire. Why settle for what's good when we can work for God's best. He hears our prayers. He knows the desires of our hearts. What is bad now just may be his promise in the making. I know He is incredibly enough working out things in me and I am so humbled by just how ridiculous and ignorant I can be! This is all a work in progress. I am so thankful that tonight I have learned something so amazing about love.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Throw in the Towel!
Throw in the Towel
To throw in the towel also, to throw in the sponge is to end the fight, to give up, acknowledge defeat. When a boxer's second (his trainer or corner man) feels his boxer is taking a beating and doesn't think he can or should continue the fight he throws a towel or sponge into the ring to stop the carnage, to end the fight by TKO.
Looks like giving up, looks like defeat, looks like quitting. My dad always taught us to never be quitters. My biological mother was a 'quitter'. She never finished anything that she ever started. She never lasted long at anything she did. This was a bad thing. Dad on the other hand worked his way from rags to riches, his mind was set. I am from both these people.
And so I've stuck out a lot of ridiculous things out of fear of quitting. But i've done somethings even more ridiculous than that- I've made decisions to stick to somethings out of the shear need to prove to myself that I can do it. I have made choices to test my own strengths and limits. This is such a stupid thing I could do. Relying on my own strength is recipe for disasterous failure.
Left to my own accord, I will not see clearly. I will do things out of will and pride and fear and desire. I will not see I am losing and I am down.
And sometimes all these things that we are doing may even seem good, ARE good. They may look good on paper or may even bring about the applause of others. But what is the driving force of these actions?
This is what could make a good thing bad and a wrong thing worse.
I thought my issue was with seeing something through, it took one who knows me better to show me that to the contrary, I am a very dedicated committed person. Rather what He wanted to show me is that my identity is in Christ, not in a relationship, or being accepted; not a job,or finances, or even a course of life, or a circle of friends. Sure this matters to people but not to Him and which person is more important than Him.
Do not be afraid. What once seemed to be defeat reveals itself victorious, even if you do not yet see the fruit.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn, and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:8-10
To throw in the towel also, to throw in the sponge is to end the fight, to give up, acknowledge defeat. When a boxer's second (his trainer or corner man) feels his boxer is taking a beating and doesn't think he can or should continue the fight he throws a towel or sponge into the ring to stop the carnage, to end the fight by TKO.
Looks like giving up, looks like defeat, looks like quitting. My dad always taught us to never be quitters. My biological mother was a 'quitter'. She never finished anything that she ever started. She never lasted long at anything she did. This was a bad thing. Dad on the other hand worked his way from rags to riches, his mind was set. I am from both these people.
And so I've stuck out a lot of ridiculous things out of fear of quitting. But i've done somethings even more ridiculous than that- I've made decisions to stick to somethings out of the shear need to prove to myself that I can do it. I have made choices to test my own strengths and limits. This is such a stupid thing I could do. Relying on my own strength is recipe for disasterous failure.
Left to my own accord, I will not see clearly. I will do things out of will and pride and fear and desire. I will not see I am losing and I am down.
And sometimes all these things that we are doing may even seem good, ARE good. They may look good on paper or may even bring about the applause of others. But what is the driving force of these actions?
This is what could make a good thing bad and a wrong thing worse.
I thought my issue was with seeing something through, it took one who knows me better to show me that to the contrary, I am a very dedicated committed person. Rather what He wanted to show me is that my identity is in Christ, not in a relationship, or being accepted; not a job,or finances, or even a course of life, or a circle of friends. Sure this matters to people but not to Him and which person is more important than Him.
Do not be afraid. What once seemed to be defeat reveals itself victorious, even if you do not yet see the fruit.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn, and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:8-10
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