Sunday, April 24, 2011

"If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galations 1:10

Keeping a blog is strange. I am not sure who is reading...if anyone at all is actually; I wonder am I writing too much, could that be misinterpreted, is there anyone even reading this???
Maybe I shouldn't blog so late when thoughts tend to ramble into one another..haha maybe I shouldn't blog at all. Then again, what does it matter if no one is reading, if no one likes what I am saying, maybe there is one person that does.... hi you! :) Funny how the mind responds to the likelyhood of an audience.
I have to keep in mind that I do this so that I can stay dedicated, through the thick and thin of it. Already thoughts of why bother creep around corners.
Like lately, it seems, the people who were near the top on my 'moral/spiritual/friend support' lists are not even ackowledging my existence. As though I've done something wrong...have I? Still others give me this vibe that they don't even seem to like me. It kinda brings this sense of reality to the picture equivelant to disillusionment, which of course momentarily lowers the drive.
It is hard. Come on admit it, it is really uncomfortable when you sense that people you look up to don't even want you around. But the best part about that is I am challenged to develop motivation independent of others, to not judge but love those who don't seem to genuinely love me, and to try to please Christ not my desire to belong or be liked- and you know what, I have a second wind...even more.

I am sitting with this passage from Galations 6
Brothers and Sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry eachother's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If any of you think you are something when you are nothing, you decieve yourselves. Each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself, without comparing yourself to someone else, for each of you should carry your own load. Nevertheless, those who recieve instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

He wants us to love eachother; care for one another, but also keep ourselves in check. This is a really good model of the Godly relationships I pray to have with my brothers and sisters. God is teaching me how. It starts with love... and not running away.
I don't know why this applies though, but,
I think the big difference between Saul and David was, Saul feared and depended on men and what they said to do, David feared and depended on God and what God said to do. Anyway, i think that's for another night.
haha see late night-rambling! happy easter, Jesus really does make all things new, 'rememeber that!' :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Extend from His not our own

Just tighten your fists and swing away.
Nope. It's more like- loosen the fists in the gloves, relax the shoulders but tuck in the elbows. Step into the punch but stay behind it. Turn at the hips and extend your arm from the body: The force of the hit comes from within, not from the arm. The arm is just an extension.
I am in the midst of trying to make my muscles remember, coordinating the different steps and turns in my body and all I can think is "the arm is only an extension!"

Lately I been feelin, round after round of distraction, renewal, cofusion, redemption, aggravation, repentance, joy, fear, closeness, distance....I am kinda dizzy and utterly exhausted.

I have been struggling with so many mixed emotions, fears, and challenges because I don't know how I am going to do it all- Change my learned behaviours, break my habits, strengthen the weak points of my character, grow in lasting relationships. I am earnestly trying to take the steps I need to become the woman God intended me to be- stewarding my health, my finances, my growth, shepherding the boys and being a supportive friend and sister...I am fighting to Love others truly not because Jesus said so but because Jesus did so!
It is not easy. But what makes it even harder is that I have been trying to do this all from my own might.

A good sister directed me to the word. "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort?" Galatians 3:3

Paul is speaking of observing the law, but I ask you how far are we from that idea now. Sure it's not a law of how and where to sacrifice and what meat you can eat and which you can't and circumcised or not...but perhaps today there is not so much a law, but a standard to live up to. It may look more like- being attractive and healthy, being financialy stable, being up to date with fashions, electronics, and accesories... Maybe the level of authority, or even what crew you roll with.. for real-isn't that what we are all still striving for...acceptance, belonging, beauty, being comfortable. God has taken our brokenness and made greatness, but we still can have a tendency to set out for what we want and really just try to make it happen, all the while loving God. It takes a whole lot of humility for me to realize that. In some ways I have been

I'm simply checking myself. If getting closer to a more idealized comfortable lifestyle is going lead me further from His Holy Spirit I choose to stay uncomfortable, because "Drastic consequences can result when social protocols carry more authority than moral convictions".

A great man mentioned the other day that there were some hills that just weren't worth dieing on. I am really appreciating that statement because I am realizing that I might have been trekkin up such a hill.
Sure I can philosophize on the fact that everything is worth it, that we can learn from any situation, especially our mistakes. But why continue in a mistake if clearly already aware of the upcoming lesson?

Just tonight I realized how present God is. Worshiping "I know you love me" and realizing just how amazing that is. And there I was with my sister Melanie worshipping right beside me and Peyton to the left with his hands opened, actually worshiping Christ whom he just accepted a week ago! I prayed for this! not for myself but for them- to know just how amazing God's love is.

I think of how year ago today I knew I could be a better mother than I was for the boys, but I didn't know how! And I didn't know how that was ever going to be possible considering the situation I was in. But here I am with the boys raising them with love and faith, and just hanging with them and loving with them. It's amazing!

Around the time I was becoming Christian I desired living in a house with single Christian sisters and growing in Christ and going through the life and thought that's impossible I have two boys, but here I am with Melanie and Pam! talking God, and love, and boys and life...

The reality is this: None of this happened by my own might! God was the force and I was only the extension. And what a blessing. So I pray to always maintain the home in my heart where only the Holy Spirit can stay so that I may remain the arm. All of my strength must come from Him, without Him I am only as strong as I am.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Know your opponent

A feint is a fake punch or any offensive movement used to get your opponent to react and move out of his good offensive position opening himself up to your real attack.

This is good to be aware of defensively! I don't want to be the one on the recieving end of this move. But how do you avoid that? How can one be aware of a feint when, or even before it is coming? The only answer I can think of...know your enemy! One of the basics I've read on boxing was to know your opponent as well as you know yourself.

As much as I would love to have nothing to do with my enemy, pretending like he is not trying to find his opening is not going to protect me.
I must know him, his moves, and what his intentions are. He will not give up. He will always wait around patiently, with the intent to corrupt God's plans, to pull us out of His Will to bring us down and make us feel defeated...and he does this through our thoughts. I read a quote the other day along the lines reading 'the ancestor of every action was a thought'...

I think that as God uses people and circumstances to challenge us to die to ourselves, to seek Him and allow His Holy Spirit to take that space in our hearts--- the enemy tries to use those very same circumstances to create doubt. The last thing our opponent wants to see is God's Glory being revealed, His will being completed! So that is the real attack!

Yep, so if he can't get a good hit in there, (which he can't) he throws a feint. It could be an attractive person who is interested, it could be an attractive person who is not could be lack of noticeable progression, it could be a habit that doesn't seem to need to be broken, it could be idolatry of a person, it could be pride, fear, desire, ignorance, or insecurity. It could be miscommunication that leads to wrong interpretation that leads to confusion that leads to judgement that leads to gossip that leads to dissension!

It could be a simple lie, information ommitted, intention hidden... one that seems innocent but changes the whole course that the Lord intended. The enemy has been defeated but he has not given up.
He sneaks his way into weakening us, to prevent us from fulfilling what it is God is intending for us to do for His Glory. And what better way is there for us to forget who we are in Christ.

He wants us to take things personally; it makes no room for loving and seeing Christ in another when so concerned about myself. Feint!

Become concerned about whether I am approved by those I look up to. But is that putting Gods approval first? .... Feint!

It is getting harder and harder to die to myself, and I just see myself having some of the same attitudes, choices, and fears as I did before I knew Christ. I am afraid I haven't really changed at all, or that my faith is just not strong enough. Feint!

Who do you think you are approaching someone else on their actions or behavior. Mind your own business and don't be judgmental. Feint!

It's a challenge! Forgetting who I am and forgetting God's will even for a moment, that's all he needs to get me open and vulnerable for his real attack. His goal is to distract us with all the things down here below. He will use everything he can- he will take away all that we have, if that's what it takes...he will give us all that we want if that's what it takes. So know your opponent even better than you know yourself!

Monday, April 18, 2011

challengeing week

I am getting stronger...not yet fitting into any old jeans but i am getting stronger. And why does it even have to be about that anyway. Have I not gone from doing nothing physically to exercising everyday. From spending 3 bux at starbux almost every other day to making coffee at home. Funny how once I start aiming for simply bettering myself it becomes a battle of beating myself up, as though all of a suddens I am supposed to be a differet more perfect person. At the sametime it's weird because beating myself up a bit could keep me in check because just settling for better than yesterday is not where it is supposed to end.
The thing is I had an incredibly challenging week. There is something huge that can come out of it or I can just give up because it is all to hard and too scary and too exhausting and just too challenging.
One thing I am learning is that this process of transformation is exactly that, a process. In someways yes Jesus came into my heart and changed it but in others it is more requiring of me to make choices that are not so easy, to surrender to things that i usually fight and battle things that I usually give in to.

Friday, April 15, 2011

check in

Got my first injury today...hahaha if u even want to call it that! My wrist feels like a jammed finger. Luckily my sister is a massage therapist and she painfully made it feel all better. Thanks sis! I love training Pastor coach rod gave shaun t a little competition with them sprints... Now after a long long day ready to sleep for a four am start. Cant wait till im training more than one day a week...for now its shaun t in the wee hours of da morning. Thank the Lord for every breath.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

To Lose for a Living?

Neither prideful nor insecure
Not full of desire nor indifferent
Without despair

In my neat boxing terminnology list there is a term called a Journeyman. A journeyman is a boxer with good boxing skills who strives to succeed but who has limitations and little or no expectations of winning a fight. Journeymen are often hired on short notice to fight up-and-coming prospects and contenders to pad their records.

I couldn't help but wonder what would be the character of the man who plays this particular role inthe world of professional boxing. Certainly not an arrogant man, though he strives to succeed. Also not a man who lacks confidence as he is ready on short notice to fight up-and-coming- prospects and contenders.

This man is purposely hired to pad others' records! What does that conversation even sound like?

"How about this guy...Bob he is in the gym every day he's got some skill but you know he just is not strong enough, no matter what he does, he just don't got what it takes to beat fighter so-and-so... how bout we just use him to make fighter so-and-so's record look better... Hey Bob, we have you matched for a fight, but you know we have no expectation of you winning so we will only be using you. Great thanks Bob! see you in the ring"

I actually have no idea how this system of setting up the matches work, I will certainly find out for you, nevertheless, I still am struck to want to know about this kind of character. Or better yet the character this particular role highly recommends. I think this requires more than good sportsmanship...I mean seriously, this is losing for a living.

What would it look like to strive to succeed without the reward, or recognition, or heroic role being the end goal? What would it look like to continue in that work, as you are used to make something, in this case someone, else look better, be better,

Makes me wonder what would this figurative "journeyman" looks like in real life today?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

check in

I used to live following my heart. But there was no endurance. I'd live whatever passion out until that flame died. Now God is requiring of me endurance. Endurance in encouraging my seventeen yr old even when he is defiant. Endurance in maintaining the routine for the stability of my 8 yr old even when his add is in high gear n im exhausted. I am training only once a week now but i push myself to continue Insanity every morning to build my strength...dr let me kbow im 25 lbs overweight...three weeks of working out n not only have i not seen results, i've gained 5 more pounds! I think i make a stride n i turn to find i've gotten nowhere...nowhere i can see. But its the endurance that is required. In order to be faithful in order to walk in God's Perfect Will in order to continue pressing through even when we dont see results ...when we dont see anything... Wise roommate just so happenes to mention impprtant fact about reaping what you sow... The harvest time is only a wee little season...seriously a matter of days or weeks in comparison to the whole long year of planting and fertilizing and tilling and pruning and weeding and watering and in the hot sun and all the work...goodnight

Sunday, April 10, 2011

check in

Checking in means i have had a long day and i just need to sleep more than anything else! But thought of the day... Shaun T got me working it out! Kuuli'ou'ou trail kicked my but and it was a real good beat down.
Second thought... Discipline requires preparation, without preparation i set myself up for failure

Saturday, April 9, 2011

part1 Thank You Jesus

If you are reading this thanks! I am just keeping up with the goal of daily blog and so I will just share what is on my heart. I was talking to this wonderful girl tonight at Fuse (Fuse was Awesome!) and we started talking about paths to God. It was so great, she really got me thinking and remembering where I used to be. I love God!

I respect that across this world there are many paths to God. I'd tried walking some of them; to tap into a spiritual life through all kinds of practices; meditation, buddhist philosophy, Hindu gods, thanking the universe, 'The Secret', idk too many to mention throughout my life. Although it was all interesting, none of it made the Spirit of God present to me.

I knew there had to be something more than what we know. I knew what I had learned through the Catholic Church about God, which was quite limited considering I never went to church after 13. I knew that no matter what I read about or became intrigued about, I was never moved to have faith in any of it. All of it was folklore to me, good stories with good insight into human thought, lasting philosophies all of which provided a good main character with an amazing hagiography. I remember saying out loud, "I wish I could have faith in something"

Well, when my little guy was 5 and asked me for the first time who God is, I couldn't answer him. That was the first time I realized that after all the books I read, all the 'spiritual' things I was into, I didn't really know anything about God, not even enough to answer a 5 year old properly!

In NA the first step is Find a Higher Power, as though there are options...I recall reading books like Holy Blood Holy Grail and rationalizing why it was okay for me to be agnostic. Then reading the Life of Pi and thinking it was not okay to be agnostic... I depended on the world to tell me what I wanted, what comes next, what I should aim for, and to measure my accomplshments... You know what, I remember being nothing but confused therefore avoiding the topic of faith entirely.

Until the day I was asked, "Mommy, who is God", my answer, "Well who do you think he is" (terrible right?)

You want to know what I am really thankful for? Jesus.

I knew about God; I didn't know much about Jesus except that he was a prophet who taught about love and died on the cross. But all my life knowing that there were all these paths to God, and believing that there was "a higher power" was not enough for me to have faith in the very real existence of God. It was not enough for me to want to worship Him with thanks, to know Him or talk to Him through prayer... There was nothing that could bridge the gap between my way of thinking and God's existence. There was no way I could comprehend that He loves for me. Until I got to know Jesus. ANd by knowing Jesus I am learning how to live in God's Will.

Tonight I learned that the true real reward is not of this world, it is not in wealth, it is not a husband, it is not an admirable lifestyle, it is not even recognition...if I ever allow myself to think that my reward is here in this world, I am nothing but a slave to that thing.


So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his redeem those under law that we might recieve the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave but a son; and since you are a son, God has also made you an heir.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Don't Drop Your Gloves

Just the smallest drop and you are left vulnerable, not ready for the opponents next move, not in the right stance for your own move...

I haven't been training long so it has been hard for me to make my muscles remember to make my gloves stay up in the proper stance. Immediately after you throw a jab, a punch, a hook, the arm must return to its original position, blocking your face. I keep them up I get in my stance but once I throw a few punches they are dropping. Luckily I have a coach straight ahead reminding me everytime I drop the gloves, and i was pretty much dropping them after almost every one or two...or three punches.

Now it wasn't that I was exhausted by keeping my gloves up... perhaps it is only that my muscles simply haven't learned to get back in position, so they end up hanging low. But I also wonder, why do I keep forgetting to return them? It is like in the excitement of every movement my brain cannot consciously make my arms do what I want them to do. Certainly in a fight this will not be a good thing. So as I work on that for boxing I can't help but wonder how I can work on that in life?

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the power of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)

How many times in the movements of life- daily tasks, relationships, goals, do we forget this very truth. Is it possible that even in the intention for living a holy life, the point is missed entirely once we are confronted with even the smallest of struggles. I think of how I want to bless my teenager with words of encouragement, but day after day after day the struggle of nothing seeming to motivate him, at that weakest moment of the gazilllionth lie, the baziliionth ignoring my instructions is the moment I drop my gloves. And that is the moment I lose patience and all the encouragement suddenly became about the end goal rather than the holy purpose encouragement is intended to serve.

Even this morning I woke up so tired! Tired enough to not want to do anything that I usually do in a day, I mean it-anything! Which is not possible when you have two kids and you are commited to your workout routine and you have a house call with the social worker and have to teach an art class in waianae. I had to get out of bed but my first thought was, I don't want to do this anymore.
Funny how just the day before I was being followed with a video camera for a part of a story that will be featured for a sermon...a day in the life hahaha a day in the life I don't want to be living just now- after all the shooting is done, I am not done and I wished I was. This thought too is the gloves dropping.

The reason all of this is so important to reflect on is because this is where we become most vulnerable to our opponent. The main opponent. The one who does not want us to reflect God's love, the one that wants us to create dissention, the one that wants us to become jealous and envious, the one that wants us to doubt ourselves, to give into temptation, to allow foolishness into our hearts, to depend on the man rather than on Jesus.

He knows he can't tap into our love for God but he also know when our gloves our down making it harder for us to fight for God's intention and stay in His Will.

Don't get me wrong, it is not about being perfect. No that is not at all what all of this is about. It is not our aim to be perfect in or for this world but rather to prepare ourselves for the perfection of God's Kingdom.

For me I realize that loving God does not make me any more holier than I was yesterday, that is not what will help me to grow spiritually. But to allow that growth to happen--- I believe that my job is to be on my toes ready for battle at ALL times with gloves up chin down :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Fight Card

A fight card is a program of boxing consisting of all the boxing matches that take place during a boxing event. Fight cards consist of a main event and an undercard of the rest of the matches.

This morning I woke up with that eerie linginering feeling of disappointment after wasting the morning away sleeping in. But I had a killer session with Insanity and practiced my jabbing. You see training to become a boxer and fight in the ring one day is only a part of this particular plays as more of a marker than the actual end all destination.

Along the way I am battling all types of low spots in my character that really need some pounding. Obviously my lack of long-term dedication is the prime target here, and the reason I keep this blog... but there are all these other fights within the 'main event'-
discipline, desire, lazyness, determination, self-control, patience, vanity, pride, insecurity, even rationalizing... these are all of my opponents. Sure there is the financial debt, the extra 25lbs I've been carrying around with me, the broken relationships from the past...but these are only the symptoms. My goal is to go head to head with the source.

I consider this time as a real chance to look at my 'fight card'. Certainly I cannot do everything at once but I do have to do what I can to defeat what has blocked me from being all God intended. The enemy has been defeated but he left behind a whole lotta ugly habits that only God's light truly reveal and that can only be made new by Jesus.

Knowing He loves me gives me a purpose no man can give me, nor take a way! And all I want to be is ready for His calling. My thought is this; how in the world can I do what God has called us to do (and do it well) if I stay in the habit of being distracted, being undisciplined, full of desire for things that are not mine to have or to keep, whether I can have them or not! ...Reasoning why I am the way I am so I can stay there, ultimately passing the opportunity to serve and glorify Him completely! Remember we were created by Him, but we were created FOR Him! (from Colossians 1:16)

So as I keep training I also have to keep in mind what this is really all about. Faith, Determination, Perserverance. One thing at a time; my fightcard is full... but I'm in it to go the distance!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Beyond Results

Me- "I want to read about God's promises... Where can I find a word on God's promise" (as I am flipping through the Bible).
Pam- "God's promises are throughout the whole bible, that's kinda what that book is about."

Don't you love it when the most simple, most obvious statement jolts you into life? Yes this book is about His promise. And in order to talk about God's promise the pages are filled with stories about people who waited on His promises. We read about the heros who lived by faith and saw certain promises come to pass and we read about others who died waiting.

Hebrews 11:13 reads 'All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not recieve the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.'

I've been trying to understand this whole idea of promises and faith, because there are two things here... One is the promise of Jesus, His Kingdom, His glory- things that are above. The second, are His promises within our life. Looking something like these- 'God has promised me a husband, a wife, children, a career, security, health, a house, a position, a ministry, a vacation'...and so on and so forth.

Tonight I realize that I am finally out of this terrible season that I was in not too long ago of becoming more focused on the promises than on God's will. Focused on wanting to see His promises come to pass, or at the very least glimmers of their possible existance to help me have faith in waiting on Him...and that is the problem. My faith in the unseen was depending on seeing something!

It is a good question to ask, 'Is my faith in God largley based on what He will provide for me along the way?' Because if it is, how's it gonna be if things don't work out the way I had desired or even truly thought they would ...because there seemed to be so much confirmation that He had promised that particular thing for my life. (There was a prophesy, there was a sign, everyone agreed...)

What if God put something in my heart to pray for or work towards but the fruition would not be seen for another 20 or 30 yrs, do i want to live a life wondering when it's going to happen, questioning or even doubting if i even heard him at all?! Or do I want to live faithfully knowing that it is in His hands and His Will will happen by His hand and not by my own. This is where I have become more aimed at living in God's Will than living for what I want to see come out of living in God's Will. This means putting an end to all my wants as well as unwants! This is not easy. But it's what I aim for.

I realize through this that I am a result driven person. I want to see results and I want to see them now. And I think when I don't see them I am more likely to throw in the towel. This is when I step away from God's will and into my own. My life becomes directed on end results, I am living in my own will for my own want and dare I say for my own glory...It is only a matter of time before I begin sinking.

Today as I practiced my jab and hook in the mirror I was becoming more concerned with when the time comes that I can do it right then being in the moment. I began focusing on the results of my practice, I was more excited about seeing the fruits and at the same time imagining all the hard work I will have to put into making it happen. Seeing where I am at now and how far it seems from where I want to be was a bit discouraging. My arms are totally weak, i have no core strength at all and choreographing my hips and arms, wrists, and feet is like being at Ms. Junes Dance Center all over again- being that girl in the class that just couldn't dance. Fun times!

To achieve, excell, succeed...that has seemed to be the life-long drill in our culture. But to be still and wait on the Lord, not frantically waiting for His promises, or in this case depending on tangible results, that is where we will be rewarded with more than success and achievement.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Jab

You know, when I am just getting started in something I tend to get a little over excited about it. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a few challenges come out of this....for one thing, I start spending all my time doing or thinking about that one thing, and other priorities kinda fall behind. Second, there's always a lifespan to that exictement or inspiration, and once it is done that's it- I leave things unfinished ready to move onto what my mom would call "The next big new thing"...

So here I am, in my 'next big new thing' and I must begin with asking about the end. What exactly is it that marks the finales of my interests??? Among some unknown answers I believe one thing is for sure- I reach my plateau once the excitement, the "honeymoon", the romance of it is over. Realities of time, work, and commitment is all that's left requiring nothing but dedication to see it through to the end and, as Professor Lau would put it, 'to finish well'.

Friends, my track record doesn't look so good, maybe too many of my choices have been made in response to feelings and passions...Certainly I live now to hear Gods call and I have been lasting through some commitments- I've been with the Art Academy for three years now, I've been raising the boys for just about that long as well...but what about things that pertain to my own personal growth and well being, health, fitness, finances, acivities, relationships... I have yoyo'd in all these areas pretty much all of my life. Not finding any real technique in living that provides me with long-lasting life-changes, endurance in particular personal areas...on my own I have not come close. When the punches from my character come and I have no one to be accountable for in those areas, I bolt. Simple, uncomfortable? peace-out... n truth be told brothers and sisters, I have disappointed people along the way. But knowing the problem is only half the battle; if we don't know techniques for dealing with the harder sides of our character when we are confronted with them, how will we ever move into the next round?

After todays training session of more learning how to jab, I got to watch some guys in the ring. The Jab, according to my lovely glossary of boxing terms is: "the busiest punch in boxing... thrown quickly with your leading hand straight from the chin in direct line to your target. The boxer throws a left jab by striking out with his left arm as the left elbow is straightened sharply. A boxer is better-protected throwing a jab than any other kind of punch. The jab can also be used to block strikes." As I was learning I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me. There is a serious technique to this seemingly easy move. The slightest movement in the shoulders and torso will let your opponent know it is coming, opening you up . It needs to come straight from the chin without visually building any momentum. As I watched the guys in the ring I heard the coaches call out "jab around", this is so that the opponent doesn't always know where the jab will land. All in all, I noticed that there was a whole lot of jabbing going on and not always used for hitting the opponent, it was also used to block punches. It was a combination of offense, defense and serious protection.

Then I read it is 'the busiest punch in boxing'. I don't know if you have spent a lot of time jabbing but it is exhausting. And, it requires pure technique... otherwise it won't really serve you any good. I saw straight away that without technique I will make a useless fighter. Sure I might have fun and even get a real good work out, feel strong, tone the arms, look good... but without a sharp strike straight from the chin it will always be all wrong.

This is why I am serious about pacing myself; I want to learn the proper technique. Dedicating myself to this is my exercise. If I ever even make it into a ring one day, it is understanding this that will get me there.

So here I am attempting to committ myself to the circumstances God has placed me in...with out bolting, but not just winging it either. But rather practice in learning techniques that will lead me to dedication that will last longer than the fleeting passion that I can make it through the rounds when I am challenged by the strength of my own hard character.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)