Keeping a blog is strange. I am not sure who is reading...if anyone at all is actually; I wonder am I writing too much, could that be misinterpreted, is there anyone even reading this???
Maybe I shouldn't blog so late when thoughts tend to ramble into one another..haha maybe I shouldn't blog at all. Then again, what does it matter if no one is reading, if no one likes what I am saying, maybe there is one person that does.... hi you! :) Funny how the mind responds to the likelyhood of an audience.
I have to keep in mind that I do this so that I can stay dedicated, through the thick and thin of it. Already thoughts of why bother creep around corners.
Like lately, it seems, the people who were near the top on my 'moral/spiritual/friend support' lists are not even ackowledging my existence. As though I've done something wrong...have I? Still others give me this vibe that they don't even seem to like me. It kinda brings this sense of reality to the picture equivelant to disillusionment, which of course momentarily lowers the drive.
It is hard. Come on admit it, it is really uncomfortable when you sense that people you look up to don't even want you around. But the best part about that is I am challenged to develop motivation independent of others, to not judge but love those who don't seem to genuinely love me, and to try to please Christ not my desire to belong or be liked- and you know what, I have a second wind...even more.
I am sitting with this passage from Galations 6
>br>
Brothers and Sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry eachother's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If any of you think you are something when you are nothing, you decieve yourselves. Each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself, without comparing yourself to someone else, for each of you should carry your own load. Nevertheless, those who recieve instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
He wants us to love eachother; care for one another, but also keep ourselves in check. This is a really good model of the Godly relationships I pray to have with my brothers and sisters. God is teaching me how. It starts with love... and not running away.
I don't know why this applies though, but,
I think the big difference between Saul and David was, Saul feared and depended on men and what they said to do, David feared and depended on God and what God said to do. Anyway, i think that's for another night.
haha see late night-rambling! happy easter, Jesus really does make all things new, 'rememeber that!' :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Extend from His not our own
Just tighten your fists and swing away.
Nope. It's more like- loosen the fists in the gloves, relax the shoulders but tuck in the elbows. Step into the punch but stay behind it. Turn at the hips and extend your arm from the body: The force of the hit comes from within, not from the arm. The arm is just an extension.
I am in the midst of trying to make my muscles remember, coordinating the different steps and turns in my body and all I can think is "the arm is only an extension!"
Lately I been feelin, round after round of distraction, renewal, cofusion, redemption, aggravation, repentance, joy, fear, closeness, distance....I am kinda dizzy and utterly exhausted.
I have been struggling with so many mixed emotions, fears, and challenges because I don't know how I am going to do it all- Change my learned behaviours, break my habits, strengthen the weak points of my character, grow in lasting relationships. I am earnestly trying to take the steps I need to become the woman God intended me to be- stewarding my health, my finances, my growth, shepherding the boys and being a supportive friend and sister...I am fighting to Love others truly not because Jesus said so but because Jesus did so!
It is not easy. But what makes it even harder is that I have been trying to do this all from my own might.
A good sister directed me to the word. "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort?" Galatians 3:3
Paul is speaking of observing the law, but I ask you how far are we from that idea now. Sure it's not a law of how and where to sacrifice and what meat you can eat and which you can't and circumcised or not...but perhaps today there is not so much a law, but a standard to live up to. It may look more like- being attractive and healthy, being financialy stable, being up to date with fashions, electronics, and accesories... Maybe the level of authority, or even what crew you roll with.. for real-isn't that what we are all still striving for...acceptance, belonging, beauty, being comfortable. God has taken our brokenness and made greatness, but we still can have a tendency to set out for what we want and really just try to make it happen, all the while loving God. It takes a whole lot of humility for me to realize that. In some ways I have been
I'm simply checking myself. If getting closer to a more idealized comfortable lifestyle is going lead me further from His Holy Spirit I choose to stay uncomfortable, because "Drastic consequences can result when social protocols carry more authority than moral convictions".
A great man mentioned the other day that there were some hills that just weren't worth dieing on. I am really appreciating that statement because I am realizing that I might have been trekkin up such a hill.
Sure I can philosophize on the fact that everything is worth it, that we can learn from any situation, especially our mistakes. But why continue in a mistake if clearly already aware of the upcoming lesson?
Just tonight I realized how present God is. Worshiping "I know you love me" and realizing just how amazing that is. And there I was with my sister Melanie worshipping right beside me and Peyton to the left with his hands opened, actually worshiping Christ whom he just accepted a week ago! I prayed for this! not for myself but for them- to know just how amazing God's love is.
I think of how year ago today I knew I could be a better mother than I was for the boys, but I didn't know how! And I didn't know how that was ever going to be possible considering the situation I was in. But here I am with the boys raising them with love and faith, and just hanging with them and loving with them. It's amazing!
Around the time I was becoming Christian I desired living in a house with single Christian sisters and growing in Christ and going through the life and thought that's impossible I have two boys, but here I am with Melanie and Pam! talking God, and love, and boys and life...
The reality is this: None of this happened by my own might! God was the force and I was only the extension. And what a blessing. So I pray to always maintain the home in my heart where only the Holy Spirit can stay so that I may remain the arm. All of my strength must come from Him, without Him I am only as strong as I am.
Nope. It's more like- loosen the fists in the gloves, relax the shoulders but tuck in the elbows. Step into the punch but stay behind it. Turn at the hips and extend your arm from the body: The force of the hit comes from within, not from the arm. The arm is just an extension.
I am in the midst of trying to make my muscles remember, coordinating the different steps and turns in my body and all I can think is "the arm is only an extension!"
Lately I been feelin, round after round of distraction, renewal, cofusion, redemption, aggravation, repentance, joy, fear, closeness, distance....I am kinda dizzy and utterly exhausted.
I have been struggling with so many mixed emotions, fears, and challenges because I don't know how I am going to do it all- Change my learned behaviours, break my habits, strengthen the weak points of my character, grow in lasting relationships. I am earnestly trying to take the steps I need to become the woman God intended me to be- stewarding my health, my finances, my growth, shepherding the boys and being a supportive friend and sister...I am fighting to Love others truly not because Jesus said so but because Jesus did so!
It is not easy. But what makes it even harder is that I have been trying to do this all from my own might.
A good sister directed me to the word. "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort?" Galatians 3:3
Paul is speaking of observing the law, but I ask you how far are we from that idea now. Sure it's not a law of how and where to sacrifice and what meat you can eat and which you can't and circumcised or not...but perhaps today there is not so much a law, but a standard to live up to. It may look more like- being attractive and healthy, being financialy stable, being up to date with fashions, electronics, and accesories... Maybe the level of authority, or even what crew you roll with.. for real-isn't that what we are all still striving for...acceptance, belonging, beauty, being comfortable. God has taken our brokenness and made greatness, but we still can have a tendency to set out for what we want and really just try to make it happen, all the while loving God. It takes a whole lot of humility for me to realize that. In some ways I have been
I'm simply checking myself. If getting closer to a more idealized comfortable lifestyle is going lead me further from His Holy Spirit I choose to stay uncomfortable, because "Drastic consequences can result when social protocols carry more authority than moral convictions".
A great man mentioned the other day that there were some hills that just weren't worth dieing on. I am really appreciating that statement because I am realizing that I might have been trekkin up such a hill.
Sure I can philosophize on the fact that everything is worth it, that we can learn from any situation, especially our mistakes. But why continue in a mistake if clearly already aware of the upcoming lesson?
Just tonight I realized how present God is. Worshiping "I know you love me" and realizing just how amazing that is. And there I was with my sister Melanie worshipping right beside me and Peyton to the left with his hands opened, actually worshiping Christ whom he just accepted a week ago! I prayed for this! not for myself but for them- to know just how amazing God's love is.
I think of how year ago today I knew I could be a better mother than I was for the boys, but I didn't know how! And I didn't know how that was ever going to be possible considering the situation I was in. But here I am with the boys raising them with love and faith, and just hanging with them and loving with them. It's amazing!
Around the time I was becoming Christian I desired living in a house with single Christian sisters and growing in Christ and going through the life and thought that's impossible I have two boys, but here I am with Melanie and Pam! talking God, and love, and boys and life...
The reality is this: None of this happened by my own might! God was the force and I was only the extension. And what a blessing. So I pray to always maintain the home in my heart where only the Holy Spirit can stay so that I may remain the arm. All of my strength must come from Him, without Him I am only as strong as I am.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Know your opponent
A feint is a fake punch or any offensive movement used to get your opponent to react and move out of his good offensive position opening himself up to your real attack.
This is good to be aware of defensively! I don't want to be the one on the recieving end of this move. But how do you avoid that? How can one be aware of a feint when, or even before it is coming? The only answer I can think of...know your enemy! One of the basics I've read on boxing was to know your opponent as well as you know yourself.
As much as I would love to have nothing to do with my enemy, pretending like he is not trying to find his opening is not going to protect me.
I must know him, his moves, and what his intentions are. He will not give up. He will always wait around patiently, with the intent to corrupt God's plans, to pull us out of His Will to bring us down and make us feel defeated...and he does this through our thoughts. I read a quote the other day along the lines reading 'the ancestor of every action was a thought'...
I think that as God uses people and circumstances to challenge us to die to ourselves, to seek Him and allow His Holy Spirit to take that space in our hearts--- the enemy tries to use those very same circumstances to create doubt. The last thing our opponent wants to see is God's Glory being revealed, His will being completed! So that is the real attack!
Yep, so if he can't get a good hit in there, (which he can't) he throws a feint. It could be an attractive person who is interested, it could be an attractive person who is not interested...it could be lack of noticeable progression, it could be a habit that doesn't seem to need to be broken, it could be idolatry of a person, it could be pride, fear, desire, ignorance, or insecurity. It could be miscommunication that leads to wrong interpretation that leads to confusion that leads to judgement that leads to gossip that leads to dissension!
It could be a simple lie, information ommitted, intention hidden... one that seems innocent but changes the whole course that the Lord intended. The enemy has been defeated but he has not given up.
He sneaks his way into weakening us, to prevent us from fulfilling what it is God is intending for us to do for His Glory. And what better way is there for us to forget who we are in Christ.
He wants us to take things personally; it makes no room for loving and seeing Christ in another when so concerned about myself. Feint!
Become concerned about whether I am approved by those I look up to. But is that putting Gods approval first? .... Feint!
It is getting harder and harder to die to myself, and I just see myself having some of the same attitudes, choices, and fears as I did before I knew Christ. I am afraid I haven't really changed at all, or that my faith is just not strong enough. Feint!
Who do you think you are approaching someone else on their actions or behavior. Mind your own business and don't be judgmental. Feint!
It's a challenge! Forgetting who I am and forgetting God's will even for a moment, that's all he needs to get me open and vulnerable for his real attack. His goal is to distract us with all the things down here below. He will use everything he can- he will take away all that we have, if that's what it takes...he will give us all that we want if that's what it takes. So know your opponent even better than you know yourself!
This is good to be aware of defensively! I don't want to be the one on the recieving end of this move. But how do you avoid that? How can one be aware of a feint when, or even before it is coming? The only answer I can think of...know your enemy! One of the basics I've read on boxing was to know your opponent as well as you know yourself.
As much as I would love to have nothing to do with my enemy, pretending like he is not trying to find his opening is not going to protect me.
I must know him, his moves, and what his intentions are. He will not give up. He will always wait around patiently, with the intent to corrupt God's plans, to pull us out of His Will to bring us down and make us feel defeated...and he does this through our thoughts. I read a quote the other day along the lines reading 'the ancestor of every action was a thought'...
I think that as God uses people and circumstances to challenge us to die to ourselves, to seek Him and allow His Holy Spirit to take that space in our hearts--- the enemy tries to use those very same circumstances to create doubt. The last thing our opponent wants to see is God's Glory being revealed, His will being completed! So that is the real attack!
Yep, so if he can't get a good hit in there, (which he can't) he throws a feint. It could be an attractive person who is interested, it could be an attractive person who is not interested...it could be lack of noticeable progression, it could be a habit that doesn't seem to need to be broken, it could be idolatry of a person, it could be pride, fear, desire, ignorance, or insecurity. It could be miscommunication that leads to wrong interpretation that leads to confusion that leads to judgement that leads to gossip that leads to dissension!
It could be a simple lie, information ommitted, intention hidden... one that seems innocent but changes the whole course that the Lord intended. The enemy has been defeated but he has not given up.
He sneaks his way into weakening us, to prevent us from fulfilling what it is God is intending for us to do for His Glory. And what better way is there for us to forget who we are in Christ.
He wants us to take things personally; it makes no room for loving and seeing Christ in another when so concerned about myself. Feint!
Become concerned about whether I am approved by those I look up to. But is that putting Gods approval first? .... Feint!
It is getting harder and harder to die to myself, and I just see myself having some of the same attitudes, choices, and fears as I did before I knew Christ. I am afraid I haven't really changed at all, or that my faith is just not strong enough. Feint!
Who do you think you are approaching someone else on their actions or behavior. Mind your own business and don't be judgmental. Feint!
It's a challenge! Forgetting who I am and forgetting God's will even for a moment, that's all he needs to get me open and vulnerable for his real attack. His goal is to distract us with all the things down here below. He will use everything he can- he will take away all that we have, if that's what it takes...he will give us all that we want if that's what it takes. So know your opponent even better than you know yourself!
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