If you are reading this thanks! I am just keeping up with the goal of daily blog and so I will just share what is on my heart. I was talking to this wonderful girl tonight at Fuse (Fuse was Awesome!) and we started talking about paths to God. It was so great, she really got me thinking and remembering where I used to be. I love God!
I respect that across this world there are many paths to God. I'd tried walking some of them; to tap into a spiritual life through all kinds of practices; meditation, buddhist philosophy, Hindu gods, thanking the universe, 'The Secret', idk too many to mention throughout my life. Although it was all interesting, none of it made the Spirit of God present to me.
I knew there had to be something more than what we know. I knew what I had learned through the Catholic Church about God, which was quite limited considering I never went to church after 13. I knew that no matter what I read about or became intrigued about, I was never moved to have faith in any of it. All of it was folklore to me, good stories with good insight into human thought, lasting philosophies all of which provided a good main character with an amazing hagiography. I remember saying out loud, "I wish I could have faith in something"
Well, when my little guy was 5 and asked me for the first time who God is, I couldn't answer him. That was the first time I realized that after all the books I read, all the 'spiritual' things I was into, I didn't really know anything about God, not even enough to answer a 5 year old properly!
In NA the first step is Find a Higher Power, as though there are options...I recall reading books like Holy Blood Holy Grail and rationalizing why it was okay for me to be agnostic. Then reading the Life of Pi and thinking it was not okay to be agnostic... I depended on the world to tell me what I wanted, what comes next, what I should aim for, and to measure my accomplshments... You know what, I remember being nothing but confused therefore avoiding the topic of faith entirely.
Until the day I was asked, "Mommy, who is God", my answer, "Well who do you think he is" (terrible right?)
You want to know what I am really thankful for? Jesus.
I knew about God; I didn't know much about Jesus except that he was a prophet who taught about love and died on the cross. But all my life knowing that there were all these paths to God, and believing that there was "a higher power" was not enough for me to have faith in the very real existence of God. It was not enough for me to want to worship Him with thanks, to know Him or talk to Him through prayer... There was nothing that could bridge the gap between my way of thinking and God's existence. There was no way I could comprehend that He loves for me. Until I got to know Jesus. ANd by knowing Jesus I am learning how to live in God's Will.
Tonight I learned that the true real reward is not of this world, it is not in wealth, it is not a husband, it is not an admirable lifestyle, it is not even recognition...if I ever allow myself to think that my reward is here in this world, I am nothing but a slave to that thing.
(TBC)
So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son...to redeem those under law that we might recieve the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave but a son; and since you are a son, God has also made you an heir.
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